The cost of divorce is directly proportional to the intensity of your emotions. Divorcemag.com is a leading online magazine for divorce information, and states emphatically and repeatedly that there is no room for emotions in divorce court.
It may strike you as a near impossible feat to keep those emotions in check while you are contemplating divorce, but statistically speaking, the more emotional you are during this process, the more your divorce will cost. In pop singer's Fergie's song "Big Girls Don't Cry", she likens heartache to the same longing a child has for his lost blanket, but she goes on to sing that "I've got to move on with my life, it's time to be a big girl now." You can take this notion and apply it to your own divorce, yes it's okay to be sad and heartbroken, but when it comes down to the legal business, move on with your life and straighten your business out because you can be happier after divorce.
From a financial perspective, the more time you spend with your broken heart and intense emotions, the more it is going to cost you. It's only human to feel emotional through the divorce process. But remember that every minute of your lawyer's time costs you money, and from a court perspective, hurt feelings have no legal precedent.
Ginita Wall uses her experience as a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst to author many books on divorce, including 150 Ways to Divorce Without Going Broke. She refers to divorce as a game of chess, where you need to go into this process as the strategic and rational woman that you are. If you know the game, know your partner, and are aware of a few of their own strategic moves, the chances are you may just win the game. And at the end of the day, keeping a cool head will save you money.
Prepare for divorce as you would any strategic business venture, and leave the emotions for another outlet. Here's how you can do this.
* Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts. Veering off the critical information path into emotional territory is going to take someone else's time. Be that a lawyer, a judge, or a financial analyst, it will take someone else's time and that time costs money. Irrelevant emotional information will only prolong your divorce, which will also make your invoice sheet longer. Do not micromanage every emotional issue, it will get expensive.
* Revenge and guilt are the two most costly items during a divorce. Trying to go after him for everything because he hurt your feelings is expensive. You will need a cutthroat lawyer to do so, and a lot of time in divorce court. As far as guilt is concerned, many women today back down to their spouses and become "Yes" women to every little financial detail in order to keep things as amicable as possible. You can keep things amicable without forking over your life savings. That is what your lawyer or mediator is for, and that is why you only want to stick to the facts.
* Judges aren't impressed with emotional outbursts. If you wind up in court, you will be at the mercy of a judge. You hand over all control of your divorce settlement to one person who will use equitable distribution divorce law to determine your outcome as opposed to histrionic outbursts. You will not get a higher settlement by citing example after example of all of the bad things he has done. In fact, doing so may work more for your spouse's favor than yours. Be cool, calm, and collected no matter what, and your rationale behavior will work for you.
* If you need a therapist, get one. Divorce is one of the most emotional processes you will ever experience. But your lawyer is not adequately trained to prepare you for that roller coaster and get you through it. While they are experienced with the dramas that are associated with divorce, they will charge you more than the average therapist will to listen to it. If you need to vent, hire a therapist or a coach as your emotional outlet. Here you will not only have a place to lash out, but will also be equipped with the resources you need to reinvent your life after divorce.
It is natural to have a wealth of emotions during this painful time. But from a financial and legal perspective, there is no place for emotions. Using the intensity of your feelings against your spouse in divorce law will work against you. If you are looking for a relatively short and affordable divorce process, find other outlets for your emotional experiences. A simple and less costly divorce will in itself make the process emotionally easier, and will also lead to an easier transition to a better life after divorce.