Is Your Perfect Match Slipping Away?

In internet dating as in other kinds of dating, not every connection works out. You might make contact with someone, feel you have a real affinity for one another, email lots and feel really good about getting to know the person. But then, mysteriously, your potential partner's emails slow, become more irregular or stop completely. What's happening?

Stay Calm

It could be that the other person is genuinely very busy, is de-prioritising you temporarily, and will come back. So don't panic and don't be tempted to bombard them with emails and demand explanations.

Because first, no explanations are needed. Until you have made a clear (preferably face to face) commitment to each other, you and your online partner are not dating, you are simply exploring whether you have an affinity which would make dating is a possibility. Second, demanding explanations is a sure way to deter a potential partner. They'll feel hounded, pursued - and they'll back off.

The best way forward is to send a single friendly email saying that you really like chatting to them, that you've noticed they're not emailing as often, and that you hope they'll get in contact again. Then, back off; you have put the ball in their court and it's their move.

And who knows, given this encouragement your potential lover could well return, with an honest explanation of why they've been away. (Though if they do, it's probably good to meet up and see whether you really have an affinity or whether you should both cut your losses.)

Have Realistic Expectations

What if there's no reply to your email - your potential partner has simply disappeared. Maybe you've met and - having met - they've realised there's no spark. Or through their emails they've realised you're not right for them. Or maybe - as is the way on the Internet in general - they're chatting to other people; you're not the only one they're interested in and they've stopped prioritising you.

And that really hurts. Your emails have been so personal - maybe even so intense - that your expectations are high. Particularly if you've been emailing for months rather than weeks, you feel you have a relationship that feels intimate and very committed.

But actually, your expectations are out of perspective. You wouldn't stake everything on a blind date, or on someone you'd chatted to in a bar; many relationships come and go, and the fact that this one hasn't worked shouldn't be a huge rejection.

Move On

At this point, then, realise that what happened isn't personal. The fact that your potential partner eventually decided you weren't for them doesn't mean that you're a failure, just that the two of you didn't have a real affinity.

And if you're not compatible, it's a good job the contact has ended. You wouldn't have had a future, you might have got even more involved and then got even more hurt.

Lastly, remember that the wonderful thing about internet dating is that there are plenty more fish in the sea. It's very simple to log back on again and find more members with whom you can chat, whom you can get to know - and with whom you can have a fulfilling and this time lasting relationship.

Emily Heart writes for MatchAffinity. Take your first step to a lasting relationship at MatchAffinity, the new affinity based dating service from match.

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