Everyone has felt at some point in their working life the urges not to work. It is a fabulous day outside, the sun is out, it is not humid at all and the Frisbee is calling your name. You groan internally at the mountain of work that is piling on your desk and makes you feel like your lunch might not stay down and you need to get out of the office, and that it has to be NOW.
Unless writing "Gone Fishing" on a piece of paper and taping it onto your computer screen without fear of reprisals is an option, you probably will need these ready-made excuses to get you out of the office without losing face or worse your job.
1. (Ladies only) "I am in intense pain with cramps." Consider this before thinking it might not work as nobody can refute your statement. First, the subject is not exactly the kind you discuss by the water cooler and second, you are likely to have sympathy from a female boss and a male boss will not only have any idea but also will be too embarrassed to challenge you on it.
2. (Gentlemen only) "I have terrible runs." Here also, do not be quick to put this one in the trash bin. Here we go with the uncomfortable topic again- specifically for men- no one will doubt the veracity of your statement. In addition, it has the advantage of not being a complicated excuse since details are not needed. You might even get kudos for being candid about it.
3. Use this one with caution: "I am reacting badly to _____, I am allergic; and I need 24 hours to recuperate." This one will take some finesse and the memory of an elephant. The internet will be your friend if you need to research symptoms and details of the allergy you are claiming. Make sure need to keep track of your "limitations" and remember to avoid them at company functions.
4. Although this next one should be used sparingly and wisely, it is always a winner: "My elderly grandparent (mother/father) passed away and the funeral is today." This reason is highly likely to get you out of work because of the age factor and your fib will seem plausible.
Also, nobody in your office will risk affronting you in your time of -ahem- "bereavement." Should you use this one carefully, you could milk it for both sets of grandparents and you could repeat this at another job.
5. "I am so sorry, there was a fire at my apartment or neighborhood and there was some damage done to my place. I have to take care of the formalities with my insurance and the authorities." With this excuse, you should emphasize the fact that what happened was through no fault of yours but it is affecting you.
It is crucial to make it short and sweet. This should be perceived as a nuisance rather than a tragedy that befell you. You should aim to let everyone see you as the victim. It should seem as if you would have chosen work over taking care of those pesky details.