Judge: If this trial is interrupted by anyone, that person will be thrown right out of this courtroom.
Prisoner: Hooray for the Judge!


Prosecutor: What were you doing on July 15 at 9 o'clock in the evening?
Prisoner: I was eating hamburger.
Prosecutor: What were you doing at 9:30 p.m.?
Prisoner: I was taking a bicarbonate of soda.
Prosecutor: Do you expect us to believe you?
Prisoner: You would if you had eaten one of those hamburgers.


Woman: Your Honor, the accident was unavoidable. I had to run into the fence to keep from hitting the cow.
Judge: Was it a Jersey Cow?
Woman: I don't know. I didn't see any license plates.


The Golden Rule is: Whoever finds gold first keeps it!!!


Poetic license is a license you get so that you can write poetry


Child: Mom, what is Optimists?
Mom: A doctor who examines your eyes is called optimists.
Child: What about an executive, mom?
Mom: An executive is a man who put murderers to death.


Client: I'll give you $300 to do my worrying for me.
Lawyer: Fine. Where's the three hundreds?
Client: That will be your first worry.


Policeman: Why are you driving so fast?
Motorist: Because there aren't any brakes on the car and I want to get home before I have an accident.


Policeman: You're under arrest for speeding.
Motorist: I wasn't speeding, officer, but I passed a couple of fellows who were.


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