There is one law we don't have to enforce - the law of gravity.

The law gives me the right to open my wife's mail, but not the courage.

Question: What's the similarity between a lawyer and a dentist?
Answer: Both do filing and extraction.

I am trying to be a good lawyer. I even build myself a bar and practise behind.

Judge: Have you ever been cross-examined before?
Defendant: Yes, Your Honor, I'm a married man.

Judge: Do you realise you are facing the electric chair?
Criminal: I don't mind facing it, it's the sitting down in it that gets me.

Andrew: Do you believe in free speech?
Friend: Why, of course!
Andrew: Good! Mind if I use your telephone.

TULSA, OKLA -- The Oklahoma Supreme Court has ruled on a case that many legal experts believe clearly delineates the e-mail privacy rights of computer users in the workplace. Judge Stan Musing declared that employees have a right to expect that their employers will refrain from monitoring e-mail messages transmitted on company systems.

The case went to court after programmer Augustus Lindsey's supervisor monitored his e-mail and intercepted a message from Lindsey to a colleague. The message read: "That little sex kitten has been driving me wild. She's moaning and begging for it every minute. Last night I was afraid someone would hear, and we'd be thrown out of the building. But don't worry -- all is arranged. Wednesday she gets the knife."

Lindsey's supervisor alerted authorities, suspecting that a crime was in the making. Lindsey was arrested on the spot and spent an uncomfortable night discussing the situation with the police.

However, he was released in the morning, just in time to get his female cat to the vet for spaying. Lindsey sued his boss for invasion of privacy and sought punitive damages as well.

Defendant: But Judge, I wasn't drunk, I was only drinking.
Judge: Oh, that's different. I am not giving you a month in jail, only 30 days.

If you don't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge.

Lawyer: As your attorney, I couldn't do any more for you.
Client: Thanks. Ten years were plenty!

Lawyer, over the phone: They can't put in jail for that!
Client: Oh, yeah? Where do you think I'm calling you from? The public library?

What a lawyer! He once got a jury so confused, they sent the judge to jail.

These two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot-air balloon to cross the Atlantic Ocean. After 37 hours in the air, George says, "Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are." Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud cover.

George says, "I still can't tell where we are, lets ask that guy on the ground." So, Harry yells down to the man, "Hey, could you tell us where we are?"

The man on the ground yells back "You're in a balloon, 100 feet up in the air."

George turns to Harry and says, "That man must be a lawyer."

Harry says, "How can you tell?"

George says, "Because the advice he gave us is 100% accurate, and totally useless."

A jury is a collection of people banded together to decide who hired the better lawyer.

Sometimes, the law of gravity doesn't work. It's easier to pick up a girl than to drop her.

Nowadays, a thoughtful girl saves a piece of her wedding cake for her divorce lawyer.

That persistent lawyer spent a whole evening trying to break a girl's will.

He is a real lawyer. In fact, he even named her daughter Sue.

Question: Do you have a criminal lawyer in town?
Answer: Well we think so, but we can't prove it!

Question: Why did the client bring clothes to the lawyers?
Answer: Because he lost his suit.