Fathers rights Re child out of wedlock

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asked on Jan 11, 2010 at 06:23
by   Anonymous
I am wondering if anyone can shed any light on my situation. I understand that under Malaysian law the child is given over to the mother unless she is deemed to be unfit or unable to provide appropriate care for the child.

My situation is a particularly hard one - Background is as follows I am a foreigner, my ex partner has citizenship in my country, she had been there for approx 14 years, we were together for approx 4, as a couple, not married.

During this time we set a business up together, she ultimately missused funds, took moneys that were not legally hers, and placed us in a position of dealing with lwyers, courts etc.

I was working in another part of the country while the missuse & theft was occuring, and was only appraised of it once it had all occured & the legal action was iminent.

I stood by her through all this, it was not an easy time & there was a huge amount of stress, neither of us really had the tools to deal with it & it caused a huge amount of friction between us at times.

As the business was no longer opperating, she was relying on me finacially. It was during this time that she told me she was pregnant...

I thought this was a chance for us to focus on our love for each other, put the stress of the last 12 months behind us & focus on an exciting future together. This I thought was a shared view...

This however was a short lived view as within the first few months of her pregnancy she was suffering big mood swings, irrational behaviour & what struck me as a severe case of depression.

I suggested a trip home whilst she could still travel comfortably & paid for here to come home & see the family for a month, this became two months & within ten days of returning here she got on a plane & left with our unborn child...

Our child is one year old now... I have been sending money regularly to the mother, I have only had sporadic updates on our child... no pictures or emails for 6 months...but when ever the mother askes for money I have done all I can to help...I have been paying all of her bills for the last 7 -8 months, Childs needs, rent, car, food, bills etc.

I have been endeavouring to repair the relationship, to no avail. I have repeatedly requested updates & pic's of our child, again to no avail.

The mothers moods still fluctuate wildly, I have been threatned on many occassions that she will withhold all contact or simply disappear...

I have tried to remain even in my approach & response, as our child means the world to me, however in the last few weeks I have said that untill I start getting regular updates & photos etc I will put the moneys into a trust fund for our child.

I am not wanting to appear blameless in all that has happened, it took two fo us to get into this fine mess, unfortunately the biggest casualty in all of this is our child, that also upsets me greatly. If we had the right tools to deal with the huge stress we were under, we may very well not be where we are today, if I had the right tools I may still have my partner & child, two people that despite all of this I cherish with all my heart.

I allways said to the mother I would not take our child from her, unless she put her in harms way or failed to provide the appropriate care...despite our issues, I beleive she will always be a very good mother.

The mother is unemployed and has been for the greater part of 3 years now as I was the sole provider prior to her return to Malaysia during that time...

I have been unable to go and see my child due to the mother always needing more & more money everytime I have saved enough for the trip, so through all of this I am yet to hold my child for the first time !!

I know this is a long story, but a little background can help when looking for answers...

I could take the matter to court prove her to be an unfit mother & seek full custody, however I would rather seek a fair & reasonable right of access, put in place by the courts so she cant keep threatening me & so there is something put in place by the powers that be to lay some ground rules.

Your help would be appreciated.
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3 Answers

answered on Jan 11, 2010 at 07:21
by   Anonymous
How confirmed you are there is a child?
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answered on Jan 12, 2010 at 04:23
by   Anonymous
Given the medical proof & all that comes with pregnancy, there is no question in that regard. But thank you.
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answered on Feb 23, 2010 at 14:37
by   SFKL
Your child is an illegitimate child since both of you never registered your marriage right?

Natural custody of illegitimate child goes to the mother I am afraid, no matter how you cry and get DNA evidence, etc. Father has no rights in this matter. However if she is so unfit, etc, perhaps seek legal advice on making the child a ward of the court and then place the child in your care?

Consider that.
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