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Why is interim custody of child age below 7 is given to the mother?

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asked on Apr 15, 2010 at 21:31
by   Hanuman
edited on Sep 7, 2017 at 07:45
 
Why is "interim custody" of child age below 7 is given to the mother?

Please don't give the usual answers like mothers are better care takers!

My son has been living with me for almost 2 years. Recently she ran away with my son to her parents home. She applied for interim custody thru her lawyer & I only get to see my son 8 days a month which is VERY STRESSFUL because he is very attached to me!

Court has also ordered me to pay RM600 per month for my son maintenance which I'm paying without fail!

REASON SHE RAN AWAY: Doesn't want to stay with my parents @ my house. She is involved in a lot of illegal activities. Wants to stay away so that she could carry on with her modus operandi / activities.

If I can fight thru my lawyer and prove that she is guilty, can I get the custody over my son?

For your info, I'm the only child and I need to take care of my parents and grandma. I am the sole bread winner of my family!

Please advise.
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answered on Apr 16, 2010 at 03:22
by   curious
edited Sep 7, 2017 at 07:46
 
What kind of illegal activities? Why did you marry her then? Did your parents treat your wife nice and with respect when she was still staying with you?
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answered on Apr 16, 2010 at 15:52
by   SFKL
Good question.

Why? You wouldn't like the answer though.

Because the law states as a presumption, all children below 7 years should be with the mothers because ..."mothers are better care takers!" It is as simple as that. Since the child is only 2 years old naturally a mother's love is more required than that of a father's love. Her running away is not a reason to say she is a bad mother. The only way to get back your child is to prove she is an unfit mother and believe me that would be very very difficult to prove. Whatever illegal activities that may be, you need to spell it out and prove it. Your opinion of illegal activity not being good environment for your child is different from perhaps the judge's view. You can still fight for the custody as the presumption is only a presumption. Welfare officers will be appointed to visit both homes and prepare a report which you won't get to see, as a guide for the judge in his or her decision. Yes you have to pay maintenance so do keep up with the payment. Keep up with the visitations, and if the child is crying himself blue for you, apply for interim custody for yourself.

I must stress the child is only 2 years old. The judge may be of the opinion he can cope but at the end of the day the first and probably only question in the judge's mind is THE WELFARE OF THE CHILD. Work your argument around that main point.

As for guilty or whatever, like I said, very difficult to prove unfit mother unless her illegal activities are well truly illegal.

Or a better way to solve this problem is to sit down, talk with your wife and get joint custody and free access for both parties. But that would require a civilised talk between you and your wife.  Worth a try.

As for the access 8 days a month I assume every weekend? Well get more time from the judge since he is only 2, not yet schooling.
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answered on Apr 16, 2010 at 17:29
by   Hanuman
edited Sep 7, 2017 at 09:56
 
Dear SFKL,

Thanks for your reply.

For the curious question, for 3 years since marriage she has been analysing me. I did not know her "dark side" until 24 December 2008 when she ran away with my son without my knowledge or my family knowledge.

My parents took good care of her. No doubt about that. But for her its a stumbling block because she could not carry on with her activities. That's why she wants to stay away from my family.

8 days a months = Saturday/Sunday + Tuesday/Wednesday the following week.

All relevant POLICE REPORTS have been made and waiting for the right moment to take legal action against her!

Well, I'm just hoping that truth will prevail one day!
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answered on Apr 16, 2010 at 18:17
by   Hanuman
edited Sep 7, 2017 at 09:58
 
Dear SFKL,

3 months after she ran away on 24 December 2008, I had a chance to bring back my son on 9 March 2009 when I saw him with her outside. I did this because the Police advised that I have the right since he is my son.

6 days after that she used a dozen gangsters where 4 of them jumped into my house through the front wall, injuring me, my mum and also fracturing my grandma's hand after pushing her down several times.

THEY GRABBED MY SON, KIDNAPPED HIM AND RAN AWAY AGAIN. MY SON IS ALMOST 3 YEARS OLD NOW.

Immediately after that she applied for 'interim custody'.
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answered on Apr 16, 2010 at 19:28
by   vkpc
Those are not gangsters.
Those were her relatives helping her take back her son, since you forcibly took him at KFC.
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answered on Apr 16, 2010 at 20:14
by   Hanuman
edited Sep 7, 2017 at 09:59
 
@vkpc,

How do you know its her relatives? Are you involved in the kidnapping as well?
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answered on Apr 17, 2010 at 00:55
by   samaritan
edited Sep 7, 2017 at 09:59
 
@vkpc,

If you are in his shoes, what would you do? Can you stay away from your 2 years old child without seeing him/her for 3 months? Furthermore when the child is taken away without your knowledge?

Common vkpc! Think logically before you give your comments!
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answered on Apr 17, 2010 at 15:29
by   SMS10
If you look at things from the law point of view, you'd agree that vkpc is right! She' going to tell the court that her child was taken forcibly from her at KFC. And yes, those nice people who helped her were her relatives (and no, I was not involved in the kidnapping!).

My advise: Always think straight. Think of all the actions that your wife might take or claims that she might ask for in court, and  be prepared for them. Whatever you claim, must be substantiated by evidence. 

Your best bet would be to be prepared to show the court that you'd be able to provide for the child comfortably, the child would be well-taken care of when you go to work....think of things that you wife cannot do, and make that your advantage.

But most importantly, make sure that whatever you do, is in the best interest of the child.
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answered on Apr 17, 2010 at 15:59
by   alyl
edited Sep 7, 2017 at 10:00
 
The only thing that the court can see here is that the two of you busy fighting and arguing with each other about who should have the child and who should not. The court deals with this kind of case all the time, so they expect that ugly arguments, disputes and fights will occur between husband and wife. Honestly, they don't really care about what the two of you said or did to each other. As long as your wife is not crazy and they have no reason to believe that she will intentionally hurt the child, your wife will continue looking after the young child, and that you will continue to visit.

Since you are the sole breadwinner of your family, for your own good and sanity try focus on that, because it is not wise to use all your hard earned money to hire lawyers to fight for your son (not easy and emotionally and mentally very tiring, and high % the result might still be the same), rather use your hard earned money and get an education policy for your son, your son will salute you for that someday. Your son will also appreciate the RM600 maintenance, to avoid any dispute in the future don't forget to keep the bank receipts of your son maintenance, so that someday when your child is old enough to understand, then you could prove and explain to him that you have never failed to love him and look after him, even though you only have 8 days monthly with each other. Your son will be proud of you if you had made this less painful for him to go through. Even though he is only 3 years old, you will be surprise how much all the arguments and fights could affect and hurt him, if this continue for any longer.

No children like to see their parents fight and hurt each other all the time. It frightens the children. For the child, he only cares that you will always be his daddy, and your wife will always be his mommy, nobody can change that fact. He wants to feel safe with both of you, especially when you and your wife can no longer live together as a family.

Right now as much as you hate your wife and vice versa, try not to do anything to jeopardize the 8 days monthly visit that you have, make sure that you always pay your son maintenance. Because someday, you will have to answer to your son about why didn't you contribute to his welfare when he was young, and you don't look good in front of the court. Hanuman, You are doing the right thing for keep paying the maintenance, your son is lucky to have you as his daddy. Not many children are that lucky, because there are many typical fathers out there stopped paying after only a few payments just because they hate the wives and want to be spiteful, it is not fair for the children.

Always have a great time with your son during the 8 days monthly visits and get some nice pictures of you guys having great time together and do great activities together, someday he will respect and remember you for that. And when your son is old enough to understand, he might even want you to visit him more often, then you could ask him personally if he would like to stay with you and if the answer is yes, then you can discuss nicely with your wife about getting longer visitation or even present your case again to share the custody with your wife by showing to the court that you have been a great father to your son. Remember, the court is not interested in any arguments and fights between you and your wife.

It is important to win your son's heart than to win the custody of your son. God bless.
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answered on Apr 19, 2010 at 16:56
by   Hanuman
edited Sep 7, 2017 at 10:03
 
@alyl,

Thanks for your clear and good advice.

Well, it's funny and weird! He is my own son but I need permission thru court to have access! I did not ask her to run away at in the first place? The court doesn't really look at the case in the father's side?

Looks like its gonna be a long battle for me!
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