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Infidelity of a Husband

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asked on Jan 7, 2010 at 16:46
by   Betrayed
Been married for almost 10 Years now with kids ranging age 5-7 years old. Marriage having problem for almost 5 years due to adultery committed by my husband. Now he wants a divorce but I do not agree on that for the sake of my children. I'm ready to give-up my happiness for them. Probably the mistress is pestering him for a marriage. I know that im the only can make the decision but can anyone give me any idea on how to handle this...I'm really depress. Furthermore im staying with my in-law.
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answered on Jan 7, 2010 at 17:53
by   vkpc
Tell him you don't mind his adultery, then he wont want divorce anymore.
Problem solved.
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answered on Jan 12, 2010 at 19:26
by   beautyqueen
Dear Very Kei Po Chee (VKPC)

Please respect others' pain.  You are so hurt yourself you do not see it.  Please go for counselling because all the bitterness is coming out from inside you.

If you cannot offer any sound advice, just keep quiet
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answered on Jan 12, 2010 at 22:16
by   vkpc
Have you called him and told him that you don't mind he have gf outside
as long as he is a responsible father to the kids?
Don't delay.
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answered on Jan 13, 2010 at 14:21
by   justz
I think you have to prepare yourself for the worst even you willing to sacrify your happiness. What you need to do is to think of yourself now. Your husband has left you. Plan youself for place to stay and someone to care for your kids. You can talk to your family and ask them for support.
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answered on Jan 21, 2010 at 17:16
by   Eryn
You cannot go on this way for much longer. For your own sanity and for the sake of your children, you need to take active steps to resolve this. Its perfectly normal that you would want to see if your marriage can be salvaged, and noone can tell you otherwise, no matter what your husband has done to you. He has betrayed you and the hurt that you feel must be devastating. You feel like your whole world has crashed around you and life as you know it will never be the same again. But you do not have to do this alone. Seek help, seek counselling, seek legal advice. Do not seek free advice. You need to forge a professional relationship with people who know what they are talking about, to get help that is immediate and focused on you. If your husband truly wants out of the marriage, there is nothing that you can do to stop him. What you can do is to figure out a way to carry on with your life and protect your children from all the conflict , either through counselling, therapy or through a professional mediator, to help you both make the necessary arrangements for your children's well-being, and for yourself. Its hard but it will empower you to take control of this awful situation as soon as possible.
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answered on Jan 24, 2010 at 06:27
by   Rescue
Women are made of velvet and men are made of steel? How very wrong.  Women have shown over and over again that they are truly made of steel on the inside and will rise to any occassion. Yes, being betrayed is bad enough.  But being abandoned, as a woman, by her husband, is the worst feeling and can be de-grading and make a woman lose confidence in herself, her looks, her personality, etc.  To top up all of the above, she has to protect the emotional conflicts from her children.  A woman like you is a precious gem, Betrayed.  Five years in this fight is truly long enough.  You deserve your own happiness.Think about it.
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answered on Feb 19, 2010 at 16:43
by   SFKL
I hope you have found your solution at the time of my posting. If you are still in a quandary over what to do, perhaps I may offer my opinion in this.

You deserve your happiness. Do not think of sacrificing your happiness for your children because you will grow to resent your husband, and your resentment will show and your children will either resent you or be suffocated in your resentment. Sometimes parents who are apart are better for the children than if they're together. The notion of family still exists despite and inspite of divorces. Nothing can take away the fact that you're your children's mother and your husband the father. Is he a good father? It is different from being a good husband. He may be a terrible husband but some are good fathers. I have had a case where the parents have separated and the husband is seeing someone. The wife like yourself simply refuses to divorce and on the day of the divorce brought along the young children. I ended up with a tearful father with tearful children and the wife looking rather smug. I had the husband telling me, crying his heart out "I DON'T WANT THE DIVORCE! LET HER WIN!". Speaking to the wife, she smugly told me "I don't want a divorce. I don't care if he comes home to me, I just want to stay married".

Now what kind of marriage is this? That the wife would find comfort in the husband's continued absence, lying to herself she is still MRS A when the marriage is nothing but an empty shell? I didn't want to push the husband although I know the judge would grant a divorce. Children, being young will be able to cope. I am myself a child of divorced parents. Did it change me? Yes it did, I was affected but as I looked back, it was better of for my mother to leave my father who did not appreciate her. If you stay strong, be strong and grow stronger, it can only be good influence on your children. If you stay despite that you hated staying, your children will see through you and your self esteem will suffer when your children, surprisingly show their support for their father. It may happen that way. You will feel betrayal. What good for your children to see you crying and cursing your absent husband? What good for you to stay with a man that disrespects you and everything you have done for the family by having affairs?

I can't teach you what to do. But think about it. Think about your children. But most of all think about yourself. Is it better to stay or is it better to leave BUT demand for reasonable sums, properties, children? Secure your own future. Who knows, you may find someone deserving of you.

I wish you happiness.
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answered on Apr 15, 2010 at 21:02
by   Betrayed
Again I'm back here with more headache. My mum just passed away and so called husband of mine didn't turn up. From that day I know that this bastard is useless. While I'm still mourning for my mum, he pass me the lawyer letter asking for a divorce. The letter required me to reply asap but due to instability of my mind I didn't reply at all. Now, he is writing me email telling me to reply asap and if not he will proceed with it. I have consulted his own lawyer and even his own lawyer telling me to ignore him, let him initiate. Deep in my heart I already prepared to Divorce him but it just that I will not let him get off easily. Was thinking perhaps the mistress is pregnant that is why he wan a quick divorce but who cares!!! I will try to drag it easily...Do you all think I'm doing the right things...God Bless me.
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answered on Apr 15, 2010 at 22:28
by   Allison
Dear Betrayed,

Are you financially indenpendent?

Did he state any maintenance for you and your children in the lawyer letter? How about the properties? Can he transfer to your name? What about child custody? You must start to think of all these issue. Get yourself prepare for all your requirement.
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answered on Apr 16, 2010 at 00:32
by   Anonymous
Your six sense might be correct. Beside preparing for your requirement, you don't just let him go so easily. Let him initiate, drag on and let them suffer. At least let her gf deliver the baby first and get her depression.
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