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Custody for kids son age 11 & twin daughter 15

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asked on Dec 28, 2015 at 09:10
by   Ganesan
My wife left me on December 2012 with my kids & staying with her parents. Eliear she will let me meet kids but she won't give us a private moment together. For love & respect I meet quiet for all her doings. Now she never let or even ask kids to see or call me! She went to jpn without my knowledge and applied for councling but she had given fault information to jpn contact me. She give her own phone Nom and jpn failed to contact me. It's makes her easier to get the good mark frm jpn. Till now she not yet fail to court for our divorce. She know well that I can't live without kids & she only will msg if I failed to banking money .Am in very bad shape after they left and yes its true that once a while I can't banking. My son will msg me by wechat only & he really dying to meet & spend time with me. For my daughter, them really understand and will try to act smarter by convince me they are good & well but they will says that they want to spend time with me if mother give permission. Sir, help me ! Am blur what to do & how to get my custody for my kids.
Thank you .
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5 Answers

answered on Dec 28, 2015 at 15:21
by   jeff005
@ Ganesan

Firstly, understand what is "custody"
Physical and legal custody
Access to child and legal "custodian rights" to have a say on the children welfare

It's makes her easier to get the good mark frm jpn
No, the counselors there are real professionals, they would suspect false information.
You can make corrections by filing a case for Tribunal Reconciliation on your own NOW.
She would not get good marks but bad ones once you "come out" with proof.
She cannot lie there.
The child are big. The children can contact you. Child counselors can order the kids to be at JPN to give their versions.

Till now she not yet fail to court for our divorce
1. You have been paying maintenance
2. If you are not agreeable to the divorce, the JPN "record" is not admissible in a Divorce Court
3. The Tribunal report is not permit for a divorce NOR custody of any child.
4. If she files a Single Petition Divorce, and if you contest, she may have to fork out more than 10K for a start. She sure can get a divorce but can she get FULL CUSTODY of all the children (which include child maintenances)?

Q's
1. Is she working and if yes, what is her income bracket? How long she has been working?
2. Do you want the divorce
3. Do you two have joint matrimonial assets
4. Your son should be in P6 and the twins in F4 next week 2016., correct?

Personal Opinions (in the event of an unavoidable divorce)
1. If conditions and circumstances is favorable, you can have Joint Custody and overnight access with your son. Maybe even stay with you. For girls of that age, it is a bit difficult to get night access regularly but not impossible. But you can bring all the children out for a 3D2N hols anywhere in Msia.
2. You are in a disadvantaged position now. But if you plan properly from now, she will be the "suffering" one depending on her living conditions.
3. The 3 children are big enough. THEY HAVE A BIGGER SAY IN THIS DIVORCE MATTER.!!!!!!

All being said, try to reconcile.
In a Divorce, the children are the worst VICTIMS.
Go see a Mediator to try to work things out.
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answered on Dec 29, 2015 at 05:30
by   Ganesan
Thank you , for the replay . actually am not interested or willing to go for divorce. All I think is my kids future but my wife ego makes things more worsen ! I went to jpn and check the files and jpn know about the fault information that she given. They told me she will be in big trouble for it ,if i go to courts .
I don't have any plan or want the divorce but for my kids sake , I don't have any choice rather than this. Am willing for it just for me to get some quality & personal time with my kids. My daughter are big enough to know everthing but they are control by their mother.Till now , my wife never inform me or show me any of my kids whereabouts or their performance in school. As a father, I have my rite to them , she make me useless by doing all this. Now she is working & if I stop giving, she will tell kid's that I didn't do my part and she is the only one support by her self from her salary.
Please help me, am really don't know what should I do or where do I start ...! The more I drag this things the far more my kids will go frm me.
Thank you ,sir.
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answered on Dec 29, 2015 at 17:03
by   jeff005
@ Ganesan

"They told me she will be in big trouble for it ,if i go to courts"
That is why she did not/have not file for divorce in the High Court.
She can lose custody of the of 1 or 2 children if you fight in court.

Some ppl could have mislead her to use this Tribunal to get "Custody" of the children.
A big mistake.

As a father, I have my rite to them , she make me useless by doing all this
That is PARENTAL ALIENATION
A spouse practising PA is destroying the mental and social wellbeing of their very own children
The children have equal rights to their parents NOT ONLY YOU..!!
To ME, this is Mental Abuse

Now she is working & if I stop giving, she will tell kid's that I didn't do my part and she is the only one support by her self from her salary
To me, this is not an issue. Try to believe me, I have been thru these situations.
Now the child may feel is like that, once they grow, they will have different perspective of the divorce.
The main blame game may channel back to the parent who initiated the broken family.

The more I drag this things the far more my kids will go frm me
Empathize wit u.. only after 3 years u realised this feelings.
Remedial actions shld have started in dec 2013.
But all these delays is harming the children more than you.

am really don't know what should I do or where do I start
You can attempt the following (Personal Opinions) :-

1/ Both go pay and seek advices from a marriage counselor
2/ Both go pay and seek the services of a mediator
3/ Go and seek Tribunal Reconciliation at JPN(yr action)
4/ Either reconcile for the sake of children or divorce for your sake.

Btw, u hv NOT answered some my Q's. Your abililty to have Joint Custody depends on your answers.

The MASK on yr profile. There are many masks. Which is for whom? Obviously the childen are wearing the First one.

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EGO


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answered on Jan 1, 2016 at 20:57
by   Ganesan
Am not ready for the divorce and I only have my wife & kids as a family. I really hope to get back my family together as before. She still love me but I don't know why she behaviour like this. Both of us love kids so much and we always thinking about their future alot.I don't want my kids future be lost because of our separation. How do I make my wife understand the situation! I really need help for bring back my family together as before. I defently sure tht I will get the custody for kids but I will loose my loving wife indeed.thank you for the reply and advice.... I really appreciate for the help and make me understand about this matter. Sorry & thanks.
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answered on Jan 12, 2016 at 11:35
by   Amarmekber
Ganesan. If you converted to Islam, your children will have enhanced status for life, they will be protected and provided opportunities a caste ridden Indian society will not do for them. Their mother has run away for whatever reasons and has not bothered with the kids interest but has instead sought to further her own. She is not deserving of any assistance or pity.

Women's rights groups have lots of money provided by the US and the Churches. They don't care about parents till they get into trouble and lose.

My advise to you is to convert yourself and the Children. Do not listen to the propaganda which is anti Islam. She is doing what she wants without your consent. She must be brainwashing the children against you. ou don't need her consent at all. The next time you have the children take them to the authorities and get them all converted along with yourself.

At least then you will all become first class Malaysian citizens with all the rights and benefits that go with it. We live in Malaysia, lets immerse ourselves into being real Malaysians. India will not take care of us. We can still maintain our cultural heritage of being Indians.
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