Distress wife is demanding and emotionally threatening. I want a divorce and full custody of my child. What should I do?

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asked on Nov 3, 2014 at 07:39
edited on Jul 9, 2016 at 02:49
I need some professional advice before I decide on my next course of action. I don't want to go into detail of my stories cause I feel it would be pointless cause it is just my side of the story. All I can say is I am getting very tired of being berated and threatened by my wife.

My boy is 18 months old. I love him to the core.

My wife is currently working part time, I pay for her car, our home, our daily food, water and necessary bills. What she earns, she will use it to pay for things she feels she wants to buy, either for baby, home or herself.

What I cannot stand is recent years, I've been called stupid, I've been told I did not do anything for the family and have given her nothing compared to what other husbands can. Looks like a roof over her head, food, car and a part time cleaner to clean the home is nothing. I clean my own clothes, while she clean hers.

I do not agree with how she takes care of the baby but I bet that is subjective. She lets her sit on top of the kitchen table while she makes milk though I told her he may slip and fall. She goes to shower and lets the baby roam around the home by himself having no one else to supervise around. Its just baby alone. Discussion and arguments have gone on, she doesn't think it's wrong.

But lately, everything that I do not go her way, she will threaten to divorce. You may ask, isn't that what I wanted? Yes. But on top of that, she knows that any child below 7, the court is most likely going to award custody to her so she knows I love my boy and she's using this as an emotional threat towards me.

One time my father being a Chinaman, came to my home and rang the door bell 3 to 4 times because no one answers the door, apparently she was making the baby sleep. No issue, but she told me my parents were ridiculous and she now refuses to let my parents see my boy anymore. I refuse to give in to that so I just do the cold silent war, unsatisfied, my brother's wedding is coming this weekend, so she just told me that, she may not make it, I said okay, I can just bring my son. She said no, my son is not going either. I find that was really too much. Just because I do not give in, she throws in threat after threat.

Here's what I want to know, I want a divorce, but I want full custody of my child. I do not think she is fit to be a mother. I cannot prove that, there is no paper evidence, there will always only be my word against hers, and if a divorce takes place, no one will say anything good about either one. The battle will be an unfair one. Everytime during argument, she will speak softly to my son and say, look at your papa, don't learn to be like him, he's toxic, he's a bad person. So if any of you wonder, would I settle for a joint custody? No. Because in years, she will poison my son enough to hate me.

She is the type that can never believe she can be wrong, even one time we were already registered, she had an affair with a guy. I forgave her, but I said that I needed her to say sorry so I could let go totally. She said, no, she did no wrong because we were only registered and in her books, registered is NOT marriage to her until the Chinese ceremony happens. So in her opinion, she was still doing the right thing, despite we already moved in together living for at least one year after the marriage registration.

I need to know is there a chance, a higher chance for me to get a divorce and have full custody. I know there's no guarantee, but I am desperately seeking for an outlet to this torturing painful relationship. There is no difference with living with a terrorist, when she keeps threatening to take my child away if I do not succumb to her ways. I am almost dying inside and out. Everytime she asks for divorce, I say, if you really want one, leave my child and go and find your so called happiness. She will tell me arrogantly, why should I? We will let the court decides who gets the child, with a smirk because she's confident by law, the child will go to her.

How can I get out of this? Please. I am going crazy. I can't get her even to a shrink because I do think she has mental disorder. Whenever I mention about seeing a doctor, she will only tell me good, please go and see one and change yourself. Please help. I really am losing my mind.
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answered on Nov 3, 2014 at 14:22
edited Jul 9, 2016 at 02:51
I understand what you 're going through because I am going through the exactly same emotional threat..

That's, she will take my child and leave if I don't listen to her, and at one point, I didn't give in to her, and to prove what she say, she left with my 3 months old child, because she knows the law favors her in the custody of the child..

Even now, I am in dark and wonder why girls are like this..

I am  sorry because I can't help you by giving any advice, as I am going through the same and need help as well..

Hope someone can share some helpful advice..
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answered on Nov 3, 2014 at 15:26
In the same shoes, have you engage any legal service yet? Did you get their professional advice yet?
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answered on Nov 3, 2014 at 16:02
edited Jul 9, 2016 at 02:58
Hey dude..

1. You are NOT going to be given any custody at all. Maybe once in a week 2 hours "access", pay alimony plus child maintenance because you are so..

2. Egotistical.

3. You have correctly identified her as "Distress wife" and you are the stressor!

4. You are not going to get any professional help in your case, how many divorces can men go thru in their lifetime if men cannot learn to be moderate househusband? And then deemed "professional"?

5. Who gives the Chinaman father-in-law to pop by her house without prior notice? She is alone with a baby in the house. Checking on her having an affair? What if they are robbers ringing the door bell?

6. She didn't marry you to clean and cook for you. What are your hands and legs for? For the son is.. legally must provide!

7. Who ask you not to bring home more $$$$$....

8. Why can't you carry and care for the son why she makes milk while you stand there like a zombie?

9. Why can't you care for the son while she showers, better still the 3 of you bathe together, more fun, rite?

10. You said she is comparing you with other "husbands", are you not comparing her now?

11. I would not want to sit with you in the wedding dinner just in case you bash me in front your relatives. So many mouths against my one mouth. And you want me to stay alone in the house and you go happy "outside", my son, my companion is the legal witness in case you accuse me of affairs again!

12. If you have full custody of the son, can you guarantee you wouldn't play the parental "alienation" game?

13. Dude.. by what you have "safely" written, you are not going to have full custody, not even joint custody! By the way, there is no such thing as joint custody in our divorce laws. Can any legal guy out here dispute this statement?

14. She is right to say you are the one who needs to visit a mental doctor, you have admitted to be going crazy and going to loose your mind. You do need help!

15. Calling a mental doc a "shrink"? You are the real shrink!...
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answered on Nov 3, 2014 at 16:16
edited Jul 9, 2016 at 03:01
Those legal blood suckers will bleed you dry! However you MUST have a lawyer to file for divorce.

Calm down, refocus your priorities and agenda, then only you can apply for more "access".

Please take serious notes, both parties have equal rights over the child. So don't think and behave like a Chinaman!

If you are so stubborn, arrogant and adamant on having FULL CUSTODY, Bye Bye!

Good Day and Good Luck...
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answered on Nov 3, 2014 at 16:38
Are you currently still having sex with your wife?
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answered on Nov 3, 2014 at 16:40
edited Jul 9, 2016 at 03:03

I have not engaged in any legal services yet.. just gave the so called wife sometimes if she ever changes, but then I don't think so I can wait forever for that, life has to go on.. thinking of next action..


Wonder what kind of lady you are.. your husband if you have one, must have divorced you long ago, and I won't be surprised with that.
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answered on Nov 3, 2014 at 16:44
edited Jul 9, 2016 at 03:04

Do you think 'distressforever' will have sex with such a lady as her wife? Well I even hate to see my wife for taking away my child from me..
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answered on Nov 3, 2014 at 17:13
edited Jul 9, 2016 at 03:09
@in the same shoe

I am not female. I have "joint custody" with my son. If you feel offended with what I have posted, go and get a divorce and see what your ex-spouse writes in her affidavit (tutored by her trusted lawyer) to the HIGH COURT and see then whether you vomit blood or not.

What I am sharing with 'distressforever' is what he has written holds no water, just blowing bubbles into the thin air! If his lawyer writes like that in his affidavit to court divorce, I GUARANTEE you, full custody will be give to mother without second thoughts.

Fight for child custody with facts and proactive fatherly actions. NOT with accusations and assumptions!

Dude, no offense INTENDED, just sharing notes on how to defend our FATHERLY and CHILD RIGHTS FOR JUSTICE.
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answered on Nov 3, 2014 at 17:30
edited Jul 9, 2016 at 03:13
'vkpc' is not laughing at anybody and he is a serious guy.

The reply given to his question, your ranking has dropped a few marks if you have to fight for child custody. Husband is not giving sex, that a valid excuse for divorce and have child for companionship for poor mummy!

Dude, when can we meet and have a great laugh over our past divorce?
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answered on Nov 3, 2014 at 17:33
edited Jul 9, 2016 at 03:19
If the full custody is to be given to the mother, let it be then if that's the court's decision, but it will be unfair to the child.

How can the 'court' decide something which is unfair to the child? Doesn't the child deserve a father's love?
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