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Wife finally filed for Divorce. Need Help.

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asked on Nov 24, 2017 at 04:58
by   moanamoon
edited on Nov 24, 2017 at 05:11
by   moanamoon
Hi guys,

Posted here few months back. Wife finally filed for divorce and custody of child after verbally asking for it for months. I'll try my best to fill in the facts here:

Facts of custody:
1. She claim my son is living and staying with her. (Not true, my son has been living with me since she left)
2. She claims currently i am seeign my son on Friday evenings to Sunday evening. (I see my son Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday - Sunday. All due to classes he have)
3. Also claims i am unemployed (partner with 4 staff)
4. She claim she is contributing to the:
 a. Daily living cost (he's been living with me mostly, I've been paying)
 b. School Fees (Son studies in SJKC + the fact that the contact person for the school is my wife. Fee is minimal and i am not the go-to person. I can volunteer to change that)
 c. Insurance Fees (She is my insurance agent, and she pays for the insurance fee for my son and myself, I have requested for her to terminate my insurance as i want to pay other people to manage)
 d. Medical Fees (Either side pays whever son is with us)  

Her expenses per month would not exceed RM300 (max including all the above + food + misc), I'm already paying RM 6++/ month for tuition and sports alone, not including food and other things.

This divorce will be solely about our child and the monies that associated with it. No props or assets involved. However she wants me to pay for kos guaman ini. I can't possibly afford this.

What she wants, which I won't go into all the details here but i pretty much covered to gist, is Monday to Friday and i get weekends as per what she claims I am getting now. 

Hak Jagaan bersesama but she wants full care and control given to her. Kos petisyen also want me to bear. 

Our Facts:
1. Both in our 30s, have one 7 year old son
2. Married in 2009, Separation in 2011, Reconcile in 2013, Wife moved out in 2016, Filed for Divorce last thursday 2017. Document reach me Monday. SHe is filing based on 2011 berpisah...But we patched. Even went to oversea holiday with our son) 
3. She is working with a 8k/month job while i run a semi freelance advertising agency raising my son (I'd be happy if i bring home 4k to 5k a month). I really love my life right now because i see the value in raising my son right. I motivated her to get a higher position and demand a pay rise before she left, guess she suddenly realized i'm not rich enough. 

My son really want to stay with me but he hate to hurt his mom's side...because since he started standard one, I've helped him improved his scores, marks and position in class tremendously. (21/44 in class to 6/44 and we don't speak a word of Mandarin at home) And he is doing very well extra-curricular, but i know this will seem like i psycho him into choosing sides...So i'm not sure if my son will be asked...

How can i ask for more help? I'm asked to appear in court Mid December. (so i guess skip mediation?) I really need help deciphering the lawyer speak of the divorce documents. She claims and ask for many things which is simply not true. I wish my son can speak for himself. I can't afford a lawyer and i guess my only option is to self represent and hope that i do not get destroyed by her lawyer. Pls help, maybe i need a lawyer, maybe i can represent myself. 
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answered on Nov 25, 2017 at 01:57
by   jeff005
If she is given FC, after a period of time, you can file for FC if she fail in her responsibilities. Drop in academic results or extra coco activities are not enough grounds. It is widely accepted that children from broken homes are prone to suffer setbacks in later life. Failure to provide basic healthcare and living care are strong grounds.

Even after getting JC, there can be future lawsuits on child custody as my own case have demonstrated. It is by lopsided laws that the Mother will get FC if the child is age 7 and below. Now there is another Father @Chris is facing the same issue. Most child custody divorce starts before child is 8 yrs old. Read backwards.. Full of cases. My own case too. Lawyers are good at instigating mothers to divorce and get child custody before 8 yrs old.

To overcome this 7 yo issue, I advocate JC given status quo situation. The chances of Judges awarding JC can be as high as 80%. Provided no wrongdoings of either party. Adultery is not one of it. Very subjective arguments.

With Joint Legal Custody, both parties hands are equally tied up. Taking more nights is reckless for fathers as more other issues can surface. I suggest 3 overnight access per week. Let the other party makes mistakes and then you can file for FC down the road. There is nothing you can do. Divorce brings out the worst of ppl. The one who suffers most is the child. I would not want the child to be deprived of motherly or fatherly love. Hence JC is the best solution. @Chris can never have JC as it is a foreign wife. If she get any form of custody, the child will vanish overseas permanently.
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answered on Nov 25, 2017 at 02:10
by   jeff005
edited Nov 25, 2017 at 02:22
by   jeff005
Your wife lawyer requested the court to give reasonable access and visitational rights, means it is a Full Legal Custody application. The hak jagaan sesama is joint parenting which is actually meaningless if she has Full Legal Custody. You can be kick out anytime by hook or by crook.

Be level minded from now onwards. Logic vs No Logic. No need to moan a moon. U can howl a moon come next sat nite.
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answered on Nov 25, 2017 at 02:29
by   jeff005
@ kiki 

Bo kam wan  =  is hokkien means my heart is not happy and badly hurt, not satisfied 

Si lei erh tai chee. = is yr own personal issue 

Loosely translated. I know ur reading online now.
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answered on Nov 25, 2017 at 05:16
by   kiki
Bo kam wan  =  is hokkien means my heart is not happy and badly hurt, not satisfied  

Si lei erh tai chee. = is yr own personal issue  


Thank you for the lesson, jeff.
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