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Wife finally filed for Divorce. Need Help.

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asked on Nov 24, 2017 at 04:58
by   moanamoon
edited on Nov 24, 2017 at 05:11
by   moanamoon
Hi guys,

Posted here few months back. Wife finally filed for divorce and custody of child after verbally asking for it for months. I'll try my best to fill in the facts here:

Facts of custody:
1. She claim my son is living and staying with her. (Not true, my son has been living with me since she left)
2. She claims currently i am seeign my son on Friday evenings to Sunday evening. (I see my son Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday - Sunday. All due to classes he have)
3. Also claims i am unemployed (partner with 4 staff)
4. She claim she is contributing to the:
 a. Daily living cost (he's been living with me mostly, I've been paying)
 b. School Fees (Son studies in SJKC + the fact that the contact person for the school is my wife. Fee is minimal and i am not the go-to person. I can volunteer to change that)
 c. Insurance Fees (She is my insurance agent, and she pays for the insurance fee for my son and myself, I have requested for her to terminate my insurance as i want to pay other people to manage)
 d. Medical Fees (Either side pays whever son is with us)  

Her expenses per month would not exceed RM300 (max including all the above + food + misc), I'm already paying RM 6++/ month for tuition and sports alone, not including food and other things.

This divorce will be solely about our child and the monies that associated with it. No props or assets involved. However she wants me to pay for kos guaman ini. I can't possibly afford this.

What she wants, which I won't go into all the details here but i pretty much covered to gist, is Monday to Friday and i get weekends as per what she claims I am getting now. 

Hak Jagaan bersesama but she wants full care and control given to her. Kos petisyen also want me to bear. 

Our Facts:
1. Both in our 30s, have one 7 year old son
2. Married in 2009, Separation in 2011, Reconcile in 2013, Wife moved out in 2016, Filed for Divorce last thursday 2017. Document reach me Monday. SHe is filing based on 2011 berpisah...But we patched. Even went to oversea holiday with our son) 
3. She is working with a 8k/month job while i run a semi freelance advertising agency raising my son (I'd be happy if i bring home 4k to 5k a month). I really love my life right now because i see the value in raising my son right. I motivated her to get a higher position and demand a pay rise before she left, guess she suddenly realized i'm not rich enough. 

My son really want to stay with me but he hate to hurt his mom's side...because since he started standard one, I've helped him improved his scores, marks and position in class tremendously. (21/44 in class to 6/44 and we don't speak a word of Mandarin at home) And he is doing very well extra-curricular, but i know this will seem like i psycho him into choosing sides...So i'm not sure if my son will be asked...

How can i ask for more help? I'm asked to appear in court Mid December. (so i guess skip mediation?) I really need help deciphering the lawyer speak of the divorce documents. She claims and ask for many things which is simply not true. I wish my son can speak for himself. I can't afford a lawyer and i guess my only option is to self represent and hope that i do not get destroyed by her lawyer. Pls help, maybe i need a lawyer, maybe i can represent myself. 
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answered on Nov 24, 2017 at 11:20
by   vkpc
However she wants me to pay for kos guaman ini. I can't possibly afford this.
Kos petisyen also want me to bear.
 

Don't worry about costs because normally in a family case, the court will not award any costs.
This is because they don't want mother and father to continue fighting about costs not being paid after everything has been settled.  So she will have to pay her own costs / legal fees.

Pls help, maybe i need a lawyer, maybe i can represent myself.

Jeff005 represented himself and managed to
a. block his wife from taking the kid
b. prevent his wife from stopping the alimony to be paid to him every month
c. get a another car from his wife
Search for his thread in this forum.

The most important thing is not to sign anything.
If wife's lawyer want you to sign something, take it home first and post the document here for checking.
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answered on Nov 24, 2017 at 15:38
by   jeff005
edited Nov 24, 2017 at 15:45
by   jeff005
1.  What is the type of Petition you received on Monday? Single or Joint Petition?

2.  State what you want here.

3.  How old is yr son, year, month..

4.  Most of the things your ex wife to be wants, is not relevant to Child Custody. Your replies too. Lawyers like to write more stupid things to show that they are doing lots of work and charge the client more.

5.  Your ex wife Could be on this forum. More than 2 ladies have asked similar Qs on 7 y/o child custody.

Just postpone the case in mid Dec. There is no time for proper planning. Do not make any filings in court. You Must attend the case management or you may lose on child access.
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answered on Nov 24, 2017 at 15:55
by   moanamoon
vkpc,

1. yes i read previously, jeff and some other successfully defended themselves... but i'm thinking this is not common cases? 

2. How do i post the entirety of the documents? scan and post in the forum or everyone to see? 

3. I have 8 days from my receipt of this documents to submit the Pengakuan Penyampaian coz i want to dispute so many things in her filing. Do i fill in those form and go get s sumpah?

jeff005, 

1.  What is the type of Petition you received on Monday? Single or Joint Petition? 
It doesnt say specifically. Odd...but she is the petitioner and i'm the respondent.

2.  State what you want here. 
I want more care and control, because i don't want his academics to be affected...if possible remain status quo or award me more days. Also she moved out of our home, i am left with all the expenses by myself, including dog and pets which she buy but i'm responsible for, including everything with our family home. Small amt of child support perhaps? 

3.  How old is yr son, year, month.. 
7 years and 5 months +

4.  Most of the things your ex wife to be wants is not relevant to Child Custody.
Most of what she wants is not what my son wants. She wants full Care and Control and for us to have joint custody. 

5.  Your ex wife Could be on this forum. More than 2 ladies have asked similar Qs on 7 y/o child custody. Yes true, she could be...any way we can better discuss the details?

 Also I don't think ii'm able to type all my points in the BM "lawyer speak", at least not from start to end. Any template and guidance is very much appreciated. 
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answered on Nov 24, 2017 at 17:13
by   jeff005
edited Nov 24, 2017 at 17:29
by   jeff005
You have not signed any documents with her?

Then basically it is a Single Petition and she is applying for Full Custody of the child.
She is not giving you Legal custodial , maybe joint access and joint parenting. Smart lady or lawyer. Her chances of winning is better now.

Your case is just a very very common case.

Why you need better control? The more control you want (in court), the easier you can lose.
She could be better control on son's academic.
What has dogs and cats to do with child custody? Send those animals back to her..!!!
At 7 years old, it is not what he wants, rather what the either of you can provide in the future. We all fathers are fighting on wrong grounds. And it is not just finances alone.

You are at an advantage now that she has filed for single petition.
Just plan carefully before replying. Forget the 7, 14, days. You need not reply at all. Just attend court to postpone it, then only you reply. This is Family Court, not debts litigation. It involves a third party, a child. Don't be scared by a lawyer's letter. You scared, you lose any custody..!!!

Child Custody is complicated. There is no template. 9 months ago I advised you to read on several topics, did you do so? If not, do it now. The flood water is up to your nostrils now. From scratching the surface of what you written, it is likely she will get FULL Custody. It is not about what a 7 year old child wants.
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answered on Nov 24, 2017 at 17:32
by   jeff005
edited Nov 24, 2017 at 17:36
by   jeff005
Delay the proceedings to next year.
Make sure you are the one who register the son to school next year. Take a few days off.
And
Don't call her
Don't quarrel
Don't intimidate her.

Let the court process runs its natural course.
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answered on Nov 24, 2017 at 17:41
by   jeff005
edited Nov 24, 2017 at 17:50
by   jeff005
What is wrong or can be wrong with posting the petition on this forum. Just blacken up your and her names. Things are already fixed. She cannot changed anything unless you create new issues like the dogs and cats issue.

If you want any sort of custody, start learning BM and understand. The last part is in front of the Judge. Qs are directed at you and your wife. No lawyer are allow to talk on behalf. You can ask for the hearing in English, but if she, your wife, uses BM, you can be in trouble.

If you want your son, start learning..!!!
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answered on Nov 24, 2017 at 18:00
by   moanamoon
ou have not signed any documents with her? 

Then basically it is a Single Petition and she is applying for Full Custody of the child. 
She is not giving you Legal custodial , maybe joint access and joint parenting. Smart lady or lawyer. Her chances of winning is better now. 

It does say hak jagaan goes to both parent and hak peliharaan dan kawalan given to her and i'm given reasonable access and visitation. If by this you mean she will Full Custody, then understood. 

Your case is just a very very common case. 

Why you need better control? The more control you want (in court), the easier you can lose. 
I want to maintain the same responsibility to my son as it is now. what she wants is to take this way from me. She agreed to it before she left, and now she U-turn.   

She could be better control on son's academic. 
Yes but not likely. What is evident is his prestasi kecemerlangan akademik while he is under my care. I made a mistake of allowing my wife to sign his report card out of kindness...
 
What has dogs and cats to do with child custody? Send those animals back to her..!!! 
Bo kam wan. I keep because of sentimental value, but at the same time i dissapointed at my her because she doesnt care. Yes maybe i will send them back. 

At 7 years old, it is not what he wants, rather what the either of you can provide in the future. We all fathers are fighting on wrong grounds. And it is not just finances alone. 

Well she's earns better than me that's for sure. I don't earn as much but i have assets and my son will be the recipient of all my inheritance in future. 

You are at an advantage now that she has filed for single petition. 
By your answers, it doesnt seem single dads have much room to maneuver.

Just plan carefully before replying. Forget the 7, 14, days. You need not reply at all. Just attend court to postpone it, then only you reply. This is Family Court, not debts litigation. It involves a third party, a child. Don't be scared by a lawyer's letter. You scared, you lose any custody..!!! 
Noted.

Delay the proceedings to next year. 
Make sure you are the one who register the son to school next year. Take a few days off. 

Birth Cert is with her and Passport is with me. Of course i have requested countless times from her. She rejected it. I will try my best to do it but i dont think it's possible. I work from home as I have to care for my son most times. 

Child Custody is complicated. There is no template. 9 months ago I advised you to read on several topics, did you do so? If not, do it now. The flood water is up to your nostrils now. From scratching the surface of what you written, it is likely she will get FULL Custody. It is not about what a 7 year old child wants.

Yes and rereading now again. 
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answered on Nov 24, 2017 at 18:10
by   moanamoon
edited Nov 24, 2017 at 18:14
by   moanamoon
What is wrong or can be wrong with posting the petition on this forum. Just blacken up your and her names. Things are already fixed. She cannot changed anything unless you create new issues like the dogs and cats issue. 

I think i email u guys better? Not involving dogs and cats. But i won't go into much more details, got adultery with 2 different party, but would be very hard for me to prove it...I was very kind to her and let her delete all the incriminating messages because i wanted to keep the marriage. 

If you want any sort of custody, start learning BM and understand. The last part is in front of the Judge. Qs are directed at you and your wife. No lawyer are allow to talk on behalf. You can ask for the hearing in English, but if she, your wife, uses BM, you can be in trouble. 

Ok noted. Kalau begini jadinya cara-cara di mahkamah, maka saya akan cuba sedaya-upaya untuk berucap dalam BM di mahkamah nanti, bersama, Tuhan izinkan, semua istilah-istilah mahkamah yg sedia ada. 

Tetapi, anak saya yg berumur 7 tahun masih belum biasa bertutur dalam BM di tempat orang awam walaupun dia dapat keputusan 98 dalam ujian BM-nya. Adakah ini akan membawa kesan jikalau dia disuruh untuk memberi keterangan? 

If you want your son, start learning..!!!
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answered on Nov 24, 2017 at 21:12
by   jeff005
Adultery is a breakdown of a marriage. Nothing concerned with child custody.

If you do not have the time even to register your 8 year son to school, you are not fit to have any custody.

The child BC is already in the petition, no issue. If you lose custody, you have to surrender the passport to her. So no issues.

The Family court is concerned with what the parents can do and provide from divorced till age 18. Taking about future inheritance is obnoxious. What you have cared for the son in academics is irrevelant, she could have done even better if she is given full custody and a free hand with her financial resources.

Child at 7 years and below Mothers are given Full Custody. It is in Divorce Laws. Read properly.

Child below 12 is not allowed into court proceedings. Read Court Rules & Regulations. And cannot testify against father or mother under normal situations, unless the Judge wants to see the child. Yours is normal divorce case

For your case, your best chances is go for Joint Custody. If you go for Full Custody, your chances of losing is very high. That is my personal views and opinions. And my opinions or advices are geared towards Joint Custody. If you are going for Full Custody , go for lawyer services. I only advocate Joint Custody.

My email is available in any of my posts. Only you have to use PC for full HTML to see it. Be streetwise and you can win JC.

And read read read. Dun be emotional.

Bo kam wan si lei erh tai chee. Be too emotional will and can cause you to lose any form of custody and that's includes access to your child. Be my Guest.
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answered on Nov 25, 2017 at 00:00
by   moanamoon
edited Nov 25, 2017 at 00:11
by   moanamoon
Adultery is a breakdown of a marriage. Nothing concerned with child custody. 

If you do not have the time even to register your 8 year son to school, you are not fit to have any custody. 

What i meant was i work from home, so i have plenty of time. Prior to this, i cannot because for first time registration of Primary 1, she did it, because we were still together, and i wanted another school for my son so I relented obviously out of love. But now i do not have the BC to do it. I will of course go do it ASAP if the photocopy BC in petition can be used. I fetch him to and from school every morning. Not his mother tho. 

The Family court is concerned with what the parents can do and provide from divorced till age 18. Taking about future inheritance is obnoxious. What you have cared for the son in academics is irrevelant, she could have done even better if she is given full custody and a free hand with her financial resources.

OK, she could have done better is hypothetical. Given FC to her, and my son's academics suffer? What then? Can this be a valid point at all?

He participates in Sponsored sports league and is almost in the selection team for national traning programme, which I am also partially training him myself. His training spans 3 - 4 days a week. I am also his art teacher. And his BM teacher. And we are working on programming a video game together. But since i'm not qualified, all this cannot be taken into account, am i right? 

For your case, your best chances is go for Joint Custody. If you go for Full Custody, your chances of losing is very high. That is my personal views and opinions. And my opinions or advices are geared towards Joint Custody. If you are going for Full Custody , go for lawyer services. I only advocate Joint Custody. 

I'm ok with JC. I'm not OK with her asking for full and total 'care and control' over my son which takes mon-friday...I want JC but i want to stick with the current amount of days i am having with him as stated in the 1st post. She chose to walk out of this family and our home leaving me to pick up everything and i continue with caring for him, now i lose him? sad la... 

My email is available in any of my posts. Only you have to use PC for full HTML to see it. Be streetwise and you can win JC.

Yes...will need time to scan all the docs...

Being emotional in this situation is a thing, divorce does things to people...but i will try to keep a level head.

Will email soon. Out.
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