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Divorce: Disadvantage and consequences of move first file later

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asked on Apr 16, 2017 at 08:22
by   Pingu
edited on Apr 26, 2017 at 05:05
 
I am a housewife and I do part time book keeping from home. I have a 11 years old boy. When my son was 3 weeks old, my husband announced that he preferred life as a single. We do not have physical contact since then. We slept in separate room. For the past 11 years, he did all kind and said all kind of unsavory word to me and my son and ask me to file a divorce, when I ask him to file, he said he wont do that. He can wait till I go  and do the filing or we die together. 

After all these years, other than me and son are still staying for free in the house. I borne all expenditure for myself and my son. He only give some money sometimes. Since, 2 years ago, he stop to pay anything, and became aggravated especially against my son. It affected my son mentally and psychologically. I want to move out as soon as possible to go on with a healthier and happier life. I want to know what are the disadvantage and consequences if I were to move out now and file divorce later, in terms of all aspects in divorce and family law.

Thank you.
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 20:48
by   jeff005
edited Apr 16, 2017 at 20:54
by   jeff005
@ Pingu

Personal Opinions - non-legal
My opinions is geared towards Joint Custody
If for Full Custody, i hands off any further opinions (You need not answer any more of my questions)

You have stated what you wanted
1. A new life with your son
2. Child maintenance
3. Full Custody

My Q's
4. Can you forgo child maintenances?
5. Can you forgo Alimony (to you)
6. When can you be financially independent of your ex husband to be?

For sure you can get a divorce, but Child Custody is a different ball game.
There is no proof of aggression towards the son, only mental frustrations, anger, towards the son in response, channeled at you. If he fights the divorce with the services of a real good divorce lawyer, there is no guarantee you can have full custody. 

might trigger him on the child custody issue. "Lets die together" his "mantra" 
It shows that he be waiting for a big fight if he is knows that he is in a position to lose his child. Do not underestimate a furious father.

Further Q's
7. What are the feelings of your son?
8. Are paternal and maternal grandparents involved? Staying with any? What are their feeling towards this possible divorce.?

My personal views on your basic Query
9. Shifting out of the Marital House without  justified provocation is to your disadvantage.
10. Shifting out with your son at his age of 11 is to your disadvantage (proof of disrupting his educational and living conditions)
11. Why you tolerated 12 years?
12. Why you only react only now?

Custody of Child fight evolves around the welfare and mental well being of the child up to 18 years of age.
13. You have not shown your capabilities yet of being able of taking care of a child as a single mother.
14. Why you did not take up a full employment? Your troubles have already started 10 years ago.
15. If your ex husband stopped paying alimony and child maintenance after a few months, can you survive?
16. Can you cope up with all the son's school activities next year, or when he is in secondary school?
17. Is your son willing to follow mother or father singlely? Or he wants to still be with each other, at the same time or alternately? Do not underestimate the wishes of the child. Or what is in his heart. Furthermore he is a boy, a male, who may have reached puberty. Living in the same room or even sleeping in the same bed with the mother has nasty connotations between feuding parents (if any).

The answers to some of Q's will determine the direction of the custody of child in  a contested and nasty divorce.
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 20:56
by   vkpc
To vkpc, 1)He has been in construction for almost 30 yrs. From QS, contract manager to take up project with partner now. 2,)saving electricity, we will get light switch off when having dinner. My son was funny, he enjoyed having candle light dinner and want another candle light dinner d next day, or toilet light switch off when my son is in toilet, or all light swift off when I m working on computer n my son studying. Mostly, he bully his son, he only bully the weak one, ask him to talk to neighbour about the rubbish they left behind, he stammered.

Why need to save electricity?  He is not poor.
You still haven't answered why he get angry.
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answered on Apr 17, 2017 at 04:54
by   Karen
From what I read above, pingu, please correct me if I am wrong:

4. Can you forgo child maintenances?  - is she getting any now?

5. Can you forgo Alimony (to you) - same as above

6. When can you be financially independent of your ex husband to be? - already independent for 11+ years

7. What are the feelings of your son? - I have no say.

8. Are paternal and maternal grandparents involved? Staying with any? What are their feeling towards this possible divorce.? - from I know, not involved, the rest no comment.

13. You have not shown your capabilities yet of being able of taking care of a child as a single mother. 
- only time will time and I believe it has.

15. If your ex husband stopped paying alimony and child maintenance after a few months, can you survive? 
- he is not even paying a single cent previously and now so what's the difference.

16. Can you cope up with all the son's school activities next year, or when he is in secondary school? 
- I don't see a problem, vice versa, can he?

17.Is your son willing to follow mother or father? Or he wants to still be with each other, at the same time or alternately? Do not underestimate the wishes of the child. Or what is in his heart. Furthermore he is a boy, a male, who may have reached puberty. Living in the same room or even sleeping in the same bed with the mother has nasty connotations between feuding parents (if any). 
- I know the answer but I chose not to comment

Her question is if she walks out now, she gets nothing, meaning the husband won.
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answered on Apr 17, 2017 at 06:32
by   jeff005
edited Apr 17, 2017 at 07:01
by   jeff005
To whoever you are 

I have directed my questions to @ Pingu, you have replied to her using my very questions. That is not only rude, crude and offending. Since you know most of her personal answers, why did you ask her to post on this forum? Wasting vkpc and my time? You have nothing better to do?

The Welfare of a 11 year Child
(Her question is if she walks out now, she gets nothing, meaning the husband won)
You think divorce is a game between adults? He wins or she wins?
You wanna play Tuhan or Kalima?
It is not a game when a young child is involved..!!
A child has equal rights to both parents and have a legal right, at age 10-12, to express his own wishes. If you do not know Child Act & Laws, read on it.

16. Can you cope up with all the son's school activities next year, or when he is in secondary school?  - I don't see a problem, vice versa, can he? 
If you are Miss Know All, why ask your friend to post here?
The real problem is that you have have dispensing inappropriate advises to her which reflects the poor mental state of yourself. All High Court Judges take into serious considerations of the school activities of a child..!! If you have a 11 year old child, it only reflects your inability to access the welfare of your own child.

- only time will time and I believe it has. 
The High Court Judge will give you time to test your theory of Relativity? Newtons Laws?
The Judge will simply dare to risk and compromise the welfare of a child based on "only time will time".
Please do not talk rubbish and made assumptions if you have not stood in front of a High Court Divorce Judge and answer to the Yang Arief directly. Your lawyer cannot talk on your behalf on the very last, final stage of Divorce proceedings. Read on Divorce Laws and court procedural proceedings if you attempting the same path.

The rest of the your answers on behalf of Pingu, I shall reply to you since it is a direct reply to my questions, at 10am tomorrow Monday Morning.

Stay tuned. My answers above now, is pale and very polite, in comparison of what i will write next.

I apologize first to @Pingu for being collateral damage to a battle of words between two obnoxious and mental guys.

I am a metal guy, so wat? 
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answered on Apr 17, 2017 at 14:32
by   Pingu
@Karen, thanks, u r almost rite.
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answered on Apr 17, 2017 at 19:29
by   Pingu
@vkpc,

Why is he angry?  I also don't know but I can give you examples.

7am breakfast with my son, the father woke up and immediately off our lights.
Son in toilet, father off toilet's lights.

Reason? Waste electricity, his definition of waste electricity, the way he said is the lights should be used to shine on useful object(s), meaning to him, we are not even object.

Will try to post when I have time.
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answered on Apr 17, 2017 at 21:31
by   vkpc
Maybe you can offer to pay for the electricity bills to solve the marital problem.
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answered on Apr 18, 2017 at 02:27
by   Freya
@vkpc, I paid for almost all my girl's expenses, but yet it doesn't solve the problem.
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answered on Apr 18, 2017 at 05:39
by   Pingu
@vkpc

As you know I might not be able to afford a lawyer, can I do the filling myself? 
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answered on Apr 18, 2017 at 06:10
by   abubakar
pingu
you have described how the husband acted abnormally, trying to "force"you are your kid out of the house.

why was he acting that way? what was his motive?
(similar to question asked by that vkpc)
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