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Divorce: Disadvantage and consequences of move first file later

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asked on Apr 16, 2017 at 08:22
by   Pingu
edited on Apr 26, 2017 at 05:05
 
I am a housewife and I do part time book keeping from home. I have a 11 years old boy. When my son was 3 weeks old, my husband announced that he preferred life as a single. We do not have physical contact since then. We slept in separate room. For the past 11 years, he did all kind and said all kind of unsavory word to me and my son and ask me to file a divorce, when I ask him to file, he said he wont do that. He can wait till I go  and do the filing or we die together. 

After all these years, other than me and son are still staying for free in the house. I borne all expenditure for myself and my son. He only give some money sometimes. Since, 2 years ago, he stop to pay anything, and became aggravated especially against my son. It affected my son mentally and psychologically. I want to move out as soon as possible to go on with a healthier and happier life. I want to know what are the disadvantage and consequences if I were to move out now and file divorce later, in terms of all aspects in divorce and family law.

Thank you.
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 12:26
by   Freya
edited Apr 26, 2017 at 05:05
 
Hi Pingu, 

May I know how long have you been married to him? 
How was the relationship before your son was born? 
How exactly he is treating you and your son now? You mentioned he became aggravated against your son, is he behaving the same towards you as well? 
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 13:03
by   jeff005
Is he gay?

Can file for Judicial Separation.
But what is the point?
What exactly do you want?
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 13:46
by   vkpc
Who owns the house and who pays for the house installment/rent?
Who owns the car and who pays for the car installment?
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 13:49
by   vkpc
Will your husband agree to let go of his kid?
( meaning allow him to move out with you? )
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 18:00
by   Pingu
edited Apr 26, 2017 at 05:11
 
@Freya,
1. 19 years
2. Normal life with compromise, give and take
3. Moody-like playing with my son this minute, the next minute he is handing over a knife to my son, ask him to kill him
4. He channels all his tantrum on my son 

@jeff005,
I want him to bear the child maintenance fee, that's it. I have to rent a house. He refuses. He said he has nothing. I did thought of walking away with my son without his maintenance fee. No point hanging on the issue, I would rather spend my time and energy to earn for a better future life, but who know what will happen in future and I want to fight for me and my son's right. My worried, he is inconsistent, always go back on his word, don't know what he himself want. Now he wants me and my son to get out of the house, if I insist on the money issue, might trigger him on the child custody issue. "Lets die together" his "mantra".

@vkpc,
1. The house ownership has another story, but to answer your question precisely, he owned and pay for the house. I owned and pay for my car.
2. Yes, he wants me and my son to get out of the house, he did it again this morning, when we were preparing to leave the house for my son school activities. I was ironing his uniform, he turned off main switch, and holding a broom wanted to hit my son. I can walk away with my son anytime if not worried on maintenance fee. I almost wanted to give up the maintenance fee and walk away. 
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 18:24
by   vkpc
edited Apr 26, 2017 at 05:11
 
What is his job?
Why is he angry?
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 19:12
by   Pingu
edited Apr 26, 2017 at 05:22
 
To vkpc,

1. He has been in construction line for almost 30 years. From quantity surveyor, contract manager to take up project with partner now.

2. Saving electricity, we will get light switch off when having dinner or breakfast. My son was funny, he enjoyed having candle light dinner and want another candle light dinner d next day, or toilet light switch off when my son is in toilet, or all light swift off when I m working on computer and my son studying. Mostly, he bullies his son, he only bullies the weak one, ask him to talk to neighbour about the rubbish they left behind, he stammered.
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 19:33
by   Hayley
edited Apr 26, 2017 at 05:23
 
Pingu, 

Ever suspect he has some mental problem?
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 19:35
by   Freya
Yes, table out the things you want. 
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answered on Apr 16, 2017 at 20:15
by   Pingu
To Hayley, even a person has mental problem, it is ok to stay with, taking care of each other if he did not harm you. Right? I would say he has emotional and behavior disorder syndrome. He spray insect repellent into room, when me and my son  locked ourselves in room. He took out his fire spray gun and want to spray at his son. I stop him by warning him I am calling the police. 
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